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It is easy to blame the dysfunction of a family member on his or her behavioral patterns. I use the title, "It's the Relationship, Stupid!" not to talk down to family therapists, but to remind myself that the source of dysfunction is usually family relationships, especially the marriage relationship. This article gives several case studies for practical application of therapy techniques that focus on developing the "WE'" of the family unit. One practical technique that I developed is a communication typology. The married couple (and family members) are divided into "Painters" and "Pointers." This typology explains much of the conflict and mis-communication thaT leads to the breakdown of the "WE." This article also presents dysfunction within the individual as a relationship problem and introduces the concept of the "spirit" of the individual as expressing the relationship the person has with self. [ABSTRACT FROM AUTHOR]