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Presents a Delaware Valley native's account of his attempts to heighten his level of pretentiousness in New York City. Reluctant admission that his dream of attaining the heights of mannered pedantry will never be realized; His insufficient training in the art of condescension; A woman's act of snobbery while lining up for a farewell performance by pianist Alicia de Larrocha.

Offers advice on buying or leasing a space in a building inhabited by musically gifted tenants in New York City. Asking the co-op board for a complete list of all the musically inclined tenants; Suggested clause in a lease; Organizing a tenants' group to screen applicants.

Presents the author's account on how gardening and sports played dominant roles in his marital life. Thoughts about his wife's interest in gardening; Arrangement for him and his wife to learn about each other's interest.

Reveals why the author will miss the Dahesh Museum of Art on Fifth Avenue, New York City. Reputation as the Museum of Bad Art; Technically ravishing but intellectually vacuous paintings; Comparison with the New Dahesh in the basement of the IBM Building at the corner of 57th Street and Madison Avenue.

An excerpt from Joe Queenan's ''Closing Time,'' published last week by Viking. At the end of my freshman year at St. Joseph's College, Richard Nixon, never one to lie down on the job when an opportunity to torment my family presented itself, closed down the federal program that had been bankrolling my education. Because I had a 3.9 grade-point average, my mother and I ultimately were successful in persuading the financial aid office to award me an academic scholarship. But housing, meals and books I would have to pay for myself. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

ON Sept. 13, the Paris Theater, on 58th Street just west of Fifth Avenue, will celebrate its 60th anniversary. This is a remarkable accomplishment, as the Paris does not go in much for films in which things get blown up. In a city teeming with faux vieux Irish saloons and restaurants adorned with plaques reading ''A tradition since 1988,'' the single-screen Paris is the real thing, a bona fide vestige of a storied past. The Plaza Hotel, which sits directly across the street, may no longer function exclusively as a hotel -- it has added condominium units -- but the Paris, with its plush seats, plush carpets, microscopic lobby, scalloped balcony and policy of showing just one film a week, remains as it long has been. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

IN the recent German film ''Yella'' a young accountant survives a car crash engineered by her stalker ex-husband, leaves town, meets a mysterious private equity fund executive and lands a job as his assistant. Initially brought on board because her command of spreadsheets allows her to raise questions at critical junctures, Yella, the accountant, soon becomes a full partner in her employer's scheme to shake down financially imperiled start-ups, skim a few hundred thousand euros off each deal and start a new life. To those of us who harbor a secret passion for high-quality films about bookkeepers, certified public accountants, auditors and Internal Revenue Service operatives, the release of ''Yella'' is a very exciting moment in the history of the genre. This is not only because ''Yella,'' unlike virtually all accounting movies, does not look down its nose at practitioners of the trade (whose numbers include my wife and two of my best friends), but because the film is the fourth European release in the past decade to position accountants directly in the eye of the dramatic storm. [ABSTRACT FROM PUBLISHER]

The article comments on the book "The Toothpick: Technology and Culture," by Henry Petroski. The article states that the book is an inspired satire animated by the dubious proposition. The article criticizes Petroski for assuming that he could assemble a huge amount of information about ups and downs of the toothpick industry.

The article presents the author's views on books offered to junior students for summer reading with reference to the book "The Return of the Native," by Thomas Hardy. The author thinks that students will find Hardy's book tough because of their inability to appreciate the genius of Hardy. The author states that minor books lure junior students.

The article presents the author's views on reading bad books. The author believes that bad books are an essential part of life. The author states that reading bad books is a way of resisting the hegemony of good taste. The author offers examples of several bad books including " The Talisman of Troy," "Leadership Secrets of Attila the Hun" and "The Savage Detectives."

The article offers an editorial on the caliber of movies being screened at colleges and universities in the U.S. The author questions whether it is responsible or appropriate for campus administration to sponsor or even allow the public screening of explicitly violent and disturbing films such as the "Saw" series.

The article presents the author's views on the tradition of showing students classic motion pictures in the universities and colleges in the U.S. Recently all three parts of the film "Saw," were shown to the students of Ithaca College. According to the author, conservative people might take films like "Saw," as fictionalized snuff films.

The article presents information on a few plot lines that are used to write the historical novel entitled "Grim Legion," by Jack Alcott. The historical novel depicts the story of Edgar Allan Poe during his brief time as a cadet at West Point in Georgia. Some of the plots used in the novel are mass murders, meeting of two great scholars and bad dreams.

The article presents the author's view regarding the Washington Interscholastic Activities Association's plan to evaluate its guideline for fan behavior in Washington. The author views that the ban on booing and using offensive chants is a case of denying the right of sports lovers to appraise the sports personnel for their officiating deficiencies.

The article presents the author's preference for the word "astonishing" in book reviews. The author buys only those books which are described using the adjective 'astonishing.' He says that many a times, he is barred from purchasing a great book because of his obsession with this word. The author is of the view that if an author describes his book as astonishing, it doesn't automatically mean that the book will be really astonishing.

The article describes the author's love for books and his reading habit.

The article presents the author's comments about the parking lots near various colleges in the U.S.

The article discusses the shortage of parking on college campuses. The author relates his frustration over being unable to easily park his car when visiting is son at college and points out that for the amount of tuition he pays for his son's attendance, he should be able to conveniently park for brief periods.

The article reports that as more people are connected by cell phones, parents are staying in touch with their college student children. Baby-boomers want to relive their fond memories of college, and they are the first generation that is likely to have attended a university and have a point of cultural connection with their children. The author urges parents to not call quite so often.

Reports on an interview of Ed Koch, a politician from Greenwich Village, New York City.

Focuses on the inadequacy of services in New York City. Popularity of the television series "The Apprentice"; Criticisms against incompetent waiters and waitresses; Expression of resentment toward businessmen.

Focuses on a three-hour collections care workshop about the care of furniture held in Croton-on-Hudson, New York. Author's methods of cleaning furniture prior to the workshop; Course meant for the curatorial staff at Historic Hudson Valley's signature properties; Background of the organization; Direction of the session by Patty Pinsonnault; Details of the workshop.

Relates the personal views of the author regarding consumer spending in the U.S. Purchase of different products and appliances; Unlimited demand of consumers; Impact of extravagance on the American economy.

Comments on the reasons why high school seniors choose colleges. Author's discussion with his son over which college to attend; Observations on the college selection process; Role of parents in selecting colleges; Efforts of the author to convince his son to attend Notre Dame University.

Discusses the book 'Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to Do It, and Why,' by Peter Post. Profile on the author; Lack of literature on the proper etiquette for men.

Focuses on the history of the New York Yankees baseball team, which has won 26 World Series titles. Discussion of Yankee fans and how they react to losses by the team; View that fans are addicted to the thrill of winning and do not appreciate the success of other New York teams; Discussion of what it means to be a sports fan.

Presents an article on watching concerts performed by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra in New York City.

Provides information on 19th-century street crime in New York not depicted in the film 'Gangs of New York,' directed by Martin Scorcese.

Describes a trend in film making which focuses on the filmmakers' local neighborhood.

Comments on the smoking ban imposed by a cooperative housing board in West Side, New York City and the ban implemented in Southampton with regard to the public hanging of laundry in front yards.

Suggests several conditions to reform the airline industry in the United States.

Discusses nuclear families in the United States. Experience of the author in a nuclear family; Way in which nuclear families can be difficult; Decrease in the number of nuclear families present in the U.S.

Provides information on several devices in the United States that parents can use to monitor the activities and whereabouts of their children.

Deals with the changes in the rules of portfolio management caused by the decline of technology stocks. How the baby boom generation affect the rules of portfolio management.

Focuses on the impact of celebrity defections on house prices in New York. Departure of Rosie O'Donnell from her house in Nyack; Mariah Carey's departure from her house in Bedford; Expectations of the residents of Chappaqua on the departure of Hillary Clinton if she loses in the 2000 United States senatorial race.

Reports on the publication of `Dads' magazine by Dads Media LLC publishing firm. Theme of the periodical for men who are parents; Description of the premiere issue of the lifestyle magazine; Quality of the magazine.

Presents a humorous essay satirizing the trend in the United States of trying to simplify everything, which arguably often turns into a complicated process in itself. Comments on Web sites such as O2Simplify.com and RealSimple.com and magazines such as 'Simplicity' and 'Real Simple'; The author's own humorous tips for simplifying life.

Discusses the mental hygiene films that were popular from 1945 to 1970. A showing of mental hygiene films at the American Museum of the Moving Image in New York City; Some of the topics the films covered; How the films have contributed to the culture of the United States.