The author was on the academic job market in English eight years in a row. The first four times, he applied all over the place, searching for his first tenure-track job. The next four times, he applied selectively, searching for a position more closely aligned with his academic and personal interests. Although each year on the market was different, one thing remained constant for him: the conviction that the whole thing was a crapshoot. He was certain that nothing could be more unpredictable, inscrutable, and arbitrary than an academic search committee. While trying to make sense of this or that committee's decisions, he often wondered what they are thinking. When asked to serve on the search committee for an opening, the author got a chance to find out and gains a new perspective on the search process when he sits on his first hiring committee. For those who are convinced that the hiring process is incomprehensible, the author offers observations from a job-market-veteran getting his glimpse at its inner workings.