Relationships may be perserve without"normal" sexuality being replaced by deviant acts and fantasies. The link between perversion and genital sexuality can be loosened without the term becoming inapplicable. Moreover perversions manifest themselves in almost any idiosyncratic form, just like defences. Next to a seemingly not for perverse aim and object, split-off fantasies and acts exist, which form the condition for the "normal" genital sexual relationship. Such a fantasy may be the idea that one's partner has a secret homosexual adventure like in Proust's novel. It can be the need to be unfaithful, or the fantasy of having two lovers instead of one husband, as in the examples given. Perversions can be understood as regulators of self-esteem, and defence against (pre)oedipal conflict. Proust, an expert on perversion and the pre-oedipal, gives us insight into its development, and manifestations: in the mother-child relationship, in love life, in social life and as a sexual perversion in the strict sense of the term. We go into some detail regarding what he tells us about the sado-masochistic fantasies in a love relationship, where paradox seems to be another word for perversion. This is followed by three clinical examples of perverted relationships between partners, with safeguarding of genital aim and object. Perversion seems still more pervasive, more enigmatic and difficult to delineate than in Freud's time.